Monday, October 24, 2005
Onwards and Upwards
Well I’m back!
I had a lot going on last week, so I took a mini-vacation from this journal. But now I’m back and in action and I feel great!
This weekend I went to DC to see my nearest and dearest friend, Rita. She’s giving birth in about 3 weeks and I was able to hug her and slap her belly all I wanted! We made lots of food and watched some great movies (rent Me, You, and Everyone We Know - it’s brilliant) and caught up on all that’s new in our lives. It was incredibly difficult to say goodbye to her yesterday as I re-boarded the Greyhound bus with my friend Jessica. It was such a fast weekend and I know that the next time I see her, she’ll have a baby suctioned to her tit. And I heard that the tit will eventually crack and bleed from over usage. YIKES! I’ll rub some lotion on those nips if you need me to Reets!
As you all know, I’ve entered this new phase of my life where I am only doing what I want to do. For 28 years, I spent so much time making sure that everyone else was happy that I found myself always feeling overwhelmed and angry. I’ve dealt with this issue in therapy quite a bit and at Sophie’s behest, I’ve now pulled away from those people who put too much pressure on me and even more importantly, those people who have a way of making me feel like shit about myself.
It’s not an easy thing, but I can tell you that I feel MUCH better about who I am and the direction my life is going. I’ve had a few run ins with some “friends” who have always been rather selfish and demanding, but as I had hoped, their true colors have shown themselves and I’ve conversely shown them the door. I have too many people in my life that want something from me and it feels liberating to weed those jerks out.
Tomorrow night I’m having drinks with some new people. I’m all about making new friends these days and it’s going to be great to sit down and have conversations that won’t end up in me feeling guilty for one thing or another.
This is the new Joe and you can see my happiness by looking into my eyes.
For some people it’s easy to be yourself and to make decisions. For me, I’m always worried about who’s going to be affected by my choices. Now, I’m making them on my own and I feel strong and capable and ready to move forward. The world really is my oyster and the only one holding me back at this point is myself. I’ve even given some serious thought to leaving the city in the next year or so. Whereas before I would have shunned this idea for fear that my family and friends wouldn’t accept it…I’m now entertaining these fantasies and I might just go forward with some of them. West Coast? Do I hear you calling my name?
I’m young. I’m alive. I can do what I want to do! Why did I never realize this before? I feel very excited about the options that I have and I feel motivated to make a few more major changes.
ROCK!
Thanks to all of you that have stuck by me through these transitions. It’s been a very difficult year for me, what with my intense break-up, my hitting rock bottom with my depression, etc.
But after last week’s therapy session, I feel surprisingly stronger than I ever have.
Hugs to all of you!
Well I’m back!
I had a lot going on last week, so I took a mini-vacation from this journal. But now I’m back and in action and I feel great!
This weekend I went to DC to see my nearest and dearest friend, Rita. She’s giving birth in about 3 weeks and I was able to hug her and slap her belly all I wanted! We made lots of food and watched some great movies (rent Me, You, and Everyone We Know - it’s brilliant) and caught up on all that’s new in our lives. It was incredibly difficult to say goodbye to her yesterday as I re-boarded the Greyhound bus with my friend Jessica. It was such a fast weekend and I know that the next time I see her, she’ll have a baby suctioned to her tit. And I heard that the tit will eventually crack and bleed from over usage. YIKES! I’ll rub some lotion on those nips if you need me to Reets!
As you all know, I’ve entered this new phase of my life where I am only doing what I want to do. For 28 years, I spent so much time making sure that everyone else was happy that I found myself always feeling overwhelmed and angry. I’ve dealt with this issue in therapy quite a bit and at Sophie’s behest, I’ve now pulled away from those people who put too much pressure on me and even more importantly, those people who have a way of making me feel like shit about myself.
It’s not an easy thing, but I can tell you that I feel MUCH better about who I am and the direction my life is going. I’ve had a few run ins with some “friends” who have always been rather selfish and demanding, but as I had hoped, their true colors have shown themselves and I’ve conversely shown them the door. I have too many people in my life that want something from me and it feels liberating to weed those jerks out.
Tomorrow night I’m having drinks with some new people. I’m all about making new friends these days and it’s going to be great to sit down and have conversations that won’t end up in me feeling guilty for one thing or another.
This is the new Joe and you can see my happiness by looking into my eyes.
For some people it’s easy to be yourself and to make decisions. For me, I’m always worried about who’s going to be affected by my choices. Now, I’m making them on my own and I feel strong and capable and ready to move forward. The world really is my oyster and the only one holding me back at this point is myself. I’ve even given some serious thought to leaving the city in the next year or so. Whereas before I would have shunned this idea for fear that my family and friends wouldn’t accept it…I’m now entertaining these fantasies and I might just go forward with some of them. West Coast? Do I hear you calling my name?
I’m young. I’m alive. I can do what I want to do! Why did I never realize this before? I feel very excited about the options that I have and I feel motivated to make a few more major changes.
ROCK!
Thanks to all of you that have stuck by me through these transitions. It’s been a very difficult year for me, what with my intense break-up, my hitting rock bottom with my depression, etc.
But after last week’s therapy session, I feel surprisingly stronger than I ever have.
Hugs to all of you!
